Getting Fat: A Story by Levi
by rottenpotate
Summary: Something mysterious is going on with Erwin. Levi takes it upon himself to find out what is going on.
1. The Stain

**AN: This is a story written by my sister, and edited by me :) Enjoy this hilarious fic! It has nothing to do with "The Case of the Missing Potatoes." x**

**Chapter 1: The Stain**

Captain Levi sat daintily on one of the spare chairs at the edge of the training grounds, a cup of tea in his hand as he dully watched Erwin speak to the new recruits. He sipped on occasion when his boredom got the better of him. After all, he heard this speech at least a dozen times. It really did get boring after awhile, especially when the Commander couldn't be any more creative and change it up.

Really, he should be getting to work on the paperwork he recently received. There were many complaints from Scouting Legion members that their food supplies had major shortages. Mike had been complaining about it for ages, or so it seemed. They had been getting all their other produce and meat rations just fine. When it came to _potatoes_, however, it was a different story all together.

Levi decided that he could do it later that day. He found himself oddly comfortable with watching Erwin doing his unoriginal speech for the recruits. It was times like this when he wasn't training or fighting titans that he got to observe everything around him like spotting a dirty stain on someone's clothes. Disgusting.

Levi noticed that Erwin was finishing up. He did the military's renowned salute and turned to walk back to the tables. As Erwin walked by, Levi happened to witness a stain of what appeared to be mud splattered across the side of Erwin's pristine shirt. A soft snort escaped him at that moment, especially considering the fact that he tried covering it with his jacket, and who knows how long he'd go before he would bother washing it.

"Erwin," Levi murmured, giving his commander a dull look as he took a sip of his tea. "You're doing an exceptionally poor job at hiding that."

"Excuse me?" Erwin paused in his tracks to turn his attention to the Captain, looking almost disgruntled.

"The stain on your shirt," he paused, a soft sigh escaping him, "is unsanitary."

Erwin stared at Levi another moment, then down at the mud stain smeared across the side of his undershirt. Before looking right back at the shorter soldier who was looking at him expectantly, the blonde simply stared for a long moment. He didn't look very moved by the insult. "If it bothers you that much, then I'll change it." He didn't give much time for replies after that, and without further delay, he turned and moved for the building.


	2. Tag

**Chapter 2: Tag**

Levi didn't know why he even bothered with washing some of the solider's clothes. However, he supposed someone had to do it, and most of the soldiers preferred cleaning the garden or the dining hall when asked to do a chore. Grabbing clothes and putting them into the small, soapy pool before him, the Captain scrubbed and made sure his sponge met every fold of the clothes before being removing them.

Someone spilled sauce on their white shirt.

Someone slipped and fell in horse shit, again.

Did someone really have to get mud on their damn shirt?

Levi could only mentally criticize the people who made a mess of their clothes. What in the hell did Erwin do that created this large splash of mud on his shirt? Did he fall? If he did, Levi wished he could have been there to laugh.

As he reached down and picked up Erwin's undershirt, he frowned a moment as his eyes skimmed over the tag at the collar. The tag read a number that was one size above the size Erwin normally wore. How odd. Did he borrow a shirt from someone that day? It didn't make sense, considering his dresser was full of shirts to wear. Who he could have borrowed from was something tricky itself. Oluo, maybe? He wasn't quite as large, and Levi could only imagine that he was a smaller size than a larger one.

Actually, now that he thought about it, he couldn't pinpoint _anyone_ in the Scouting Legion that was even close to the size on the tag. He could question Erwin about it later.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Dropping the dirty shirt into the pool, he began to vehemently scrub at the mud that had dirtied Erwin's shirt. Most of it came off, but he just couldn't manage to clean it all, unfortunately.

_Several hours later:_

"Hanji?" A voice came from the other side of the dining hall. It belonged to Levi. He carefully shut the door behind himself, and entered the room.

"Hmm?!" The female soldier hummed softly at the sound, looking up from her papers to acknowledge the short man that had just entered the room. She was alone, and seemed to be once again wasting her time thinking of theories on titans and taking notes on how they worked.

Typical.

"You're good at conclusions." Levi admitted, walking over and setting down Erwin's dried shirt. It was clean besides the faint brown stain that wouldn't come. "It belongs to Erwin, however-"

"However? I don't see the problem with it, it's just his-" Hanji started, rudely interrupting Levi.

"It's not his normal size. Erwin wears a medium. This is a large." Levi bluntly noted to the woman.

Hanji only could hum once again, a thoughtful one this time as she attempted to figure out the dilemma at hand. Why did it matter that Erwin was now wearing large? Why did Levi even care? He could mind his own business, couldn't he?

"You know, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about." She eyed him in a peculiar manner. She didn't want to say he was being weird, but...

He was being weird, especially if he was remembering shirt sizes of Scouting Legion members.

A grunt escaped Levi, followed by an unsatisfied look when Hanji thought nothing special on it. He couldn't exactly explain his irritation over the fact that Erwin was now wearing a large. There was just something odd about it_._

"Fine, whatever," he grumbled, moving away and slamming the door behind him.

Hanji stared at the door that the Captain had left through.

"Odd."


	3. Weight Gain

**Chapter 3: Weight Gain**

Several days had passed since then, and Levi had kept quiet about the situation. He continued offering to do everyone's laundry. Thankfully, nobody questioned it. Whenever Erwin's clothes would be in a pile, he would take note of its size.

They were not all large. No mediums-not a _single_ one. Had Erwin always been a large? It didn't make sense. Levi was positive the Commander wore a medium. After all, he had seen the blonde's tag before when he washed clothes not even a month ago.

With his new awareness, Levi didn't skip a moment to watch Erwin. He tried to pick up things that were different. Part of him thought he was overthinking it, that he shouldn't worry about the Commander's shirt size. Then again, another part thought he should pay heed and keep his attention locked and alert.

Sitting in his normal position at the table near the training grounds, Levi crossed his arms and observed Erwin as he showed the recruits the proper way to ride a horse. Mike was sitting beside him, running his mouth about the potato situation with Oluo and Petra. Sighing, he swore that Mike wasn't capable of shutting the fuck up over the food problem. It wasn't their issue, and he was sure that it would solve itself out in no time.

"Hey Levi, you don't happen to have any idea-" Mike started, turning his attention over to Levi.

"No" was the only response that the Captain uttered. "I do not care about the food supply issue."

"Mhm. Nevermind," Mike murmured. He rolled his eyes suggesting his indifference before glancing back at Petra and Oluo.

Levi didn't care. He didn't. His attention, however, remained focused on Erwin. His gaze was one that belonged to someone judgemental. By now, it was almost obvious that the situation with Erwin wearing a large was something to be worried about. To someone normal, they might not see a change in the Commander's movements or appearance. Captain Levi noticed a change, but only because he had been watching him for the past few days when the blonde was not looking.

The way he wore his jacket seemed a little funny. It was like it didn't fit him, or it was too small to wrap around him properly. He could point it out to Petra right now, but he wouldn't. He wouldn't because he knew she would comment on how he was imagining things. It would look fine to a bystander, but not to Levi. He knew how it was supposed to look, and it did not look right at the moment.

Captain Levi hated to admit it, but there was no reasonable explanation about this. The look across his face was painted with disgust, and he almost looked conflicted.

"He's gaining weight," Levi softly murmured, his voice drenched in disbelief. The short soldier lowered his tea cup to the table, unaware of the looks he received by the trio behind him.

"What is it, Levi?" Petra questioned.

"Hmm, yeah. What was that? Mumbling to yourself?" Oluo added a moment later, peering inquisitively at his captain.

"I think I know your culprit, Mike." Levi glanced over his shoulder to the man. Everything was coming together now. Erwin was gaining weight and the lack of potatoes in the food supply just fit so perfectly together. Erwin was eating the potatoes. He had to be.


	4. Erwin's Office

**Chapter Four: Erwin's Office **

"Levi!" Hanji ran after the Captain down the hallway. She grabbed him by the arm and managed to stop him. "Levi, you know you can't break into Erwin's office, right?"

"I'm well aware. Now get off me, shitglasses," Levi muttered. He glanced over, casting a glare in her direction. Hanji of all people was not going to be the one stopping him. He needed answers, and there was no way he'd sleep peacefully until he knew the truth.

"Levi, I'm sure Erwin isn't the one eating the potatoes. You're being paranoid." Hanji assumed, a huff escaping her. "Mike, Petra and Oluo all agree that your assumption has to be wrong. Erwin wouldn't do that."

"Just when you think you know a guy," Levi sneered, shoving himself forward and picking up his pace, "he ends up doing this bullshit."

"Or maybe he isn't."

Levi didn't respond. Arguing was fruitless. He didn't expect Hanji to understand anyway. He'd prove right here and right now that Erwin was the potato thief.

Levi stormed up to Erwin's office door. The Captain placed a hand on the knob and turned. Pushing forward, he opened the door to reveal the Commander's room.

Disbelief. That was what Levi felt when looking into the room. It was absolutely clean. Dusted and everything. Erwin's desk was in perfect order, a few pieces of paperwork scattered on the tabletop.

"Hah!" Hanji laughed, placing her hands on her hips as she looked over to the Captain. The look on her face screamed "I told you so."

"No." Levi murmured, slowly running his hand through his neatly cut hair. "I'm almost positive," he stepped over to the desk, moving his hand over the papers. Each piece of paperwork was related to the recruits or complaints about various problems, but not the potato problem. Perhaps Erwin chose to ignore the potato crisis? It would make sense if he was the thief by ignoring the problem like that.

"You're really being ridiculous, Levi. You have known Erwin for several years now, and he has too many other things to do. Not once had he shown interest towards stealing or eating an abudance of food at that." Hanji sighed. She shook her head and backed out of the room. Her eyes were locked on the Captain, expecting him to follow. "Now, let's leave before Erwin actually finds us snooping in his room."

Levi grunted indifferently. His narrowed eyes scanned the desk, searching for a hint or a clue. "I hope he does," Levi muttered, finally directing his attention on Hanji and hesitantly following her out of the room. "You're right. I have known Erwin for several years now," Levi responded to Hanji's previous statement. "I'd know if something was different about him." He cut off, looked away and murmured to himself, "his room is abnormally sanitary."

"Abnormally sanitary?" Hanji questioned, raising a brow as she looked back at the Captain. "It doesn't look any different than it normally does. Perhaps he recently dusted?" She reasoned, looking ahead of herself. As she took the lead, she turned down the nearest hall that lead to the exit of the building.

"He isn't one to dust." Levi dully noted. His expression twitched to a light scowl at Hanji's argument.

"Mhm." Hanji hummed. She sounded like she could care less now. "If you're a firm believer that Erwin is the culprit, then that is your business. I'm not going to stop you Levi, but I don't want you wasting time _staring_ at Erwin because you think he is a thief." She smirked lightly at the thought. "I've noticed, trust me."

While the two were walking towards the door, Levi stopped in his tracks. "I do not_ stare _at Erwin. I'm attempting to investigate," he snapped, feeling oddly offended at the squad leader's assumption. "Now, if you excuse me," he began, shoving past Hanji to depart the building. "I have shit to do."

Shutting the wooden door behind him, Levi stepped outside which gave him a clear view of the empty training field. A sigh escaped him before he ran his hand down his face. Nobody believed him about his theory, and snooping about was practically impossible. By now, the day had lengthened itself out, with the sun descending from its throne. The training grounds were empty, but the tables off to the left by the vivid garden were occupied with several people. Most of whom, however, were trainees from the 104th squad that were recent additions to the Survey Corps. He suspected that the more experienced soldiers were elsewhere considering he couldn't spot his squadmates or Erwin at all.

Great. This is just what he didn't want. However, he supposed he could attempt to find Erwin later, for his attention had been caught by Sasha across the way. Yes, the girl who, on first day at the boot camp, earned the name 'Potato Girl.' He couldn't help but suspect that Mike and the others have dogged her a few times with questions concerning the matter. Albeit, it was very possible she was the culprit with how much she loved food, but he had a feeling that was not the case. Exhaling sharply at the idea, he began to walk towards the recruits that had settled neatly at the picnic tables.

"Sasha," was the first thing that Levi said when he approached the table that the girl with the ponytail sat. Besides her was Armin and Eren. Levi, of course, ignored Eren completely as the brown haired kid began to stare like he typically did when he approached. Fucking dumbass.

A moment had passed before Sasha turned her head up, and exclaimed loud enough for all the trainees to hear. "Captain Levi!" She dropped the potato in her hand immediately in surprise. "What is it?"

An annoyed sigh emitted from Levi at the shout and he settled himself down in front of the girl. "I have a-"

"If it's about the potatoes, then I didn't do it," Sasha interrupted, a scared look forming on her face. "Mike already asked me about it, and the answer is no." She spoke the words frantically. "Plus, I don't look-"

"No," Levi said. "That's not why I'm here." He rested his arms on the table now as he began to gather up his thoughts. "I'm well aware of your habits in the past with stealing produce and meats from storage."

"I thought you said-"

"And I want you to tell me where you would hide a stash a potatoes if you were the one stealing them." Levi finished, an unamused expression resting on his face the entire time.

"W-what...?" Sasha drifted off, confusion forming over her face. "I would hide them..." she paused, now trying to think. There were dozens of places to hide a stash of potatoes. However, some were limited. A bedroom at the highest floor would do no good if someone catches you walking around with a hefty merchant's crate. "A basement. Somewhere where a cart of crates can easily be delivered without getting caught," she settled with a nod.

"You can't possibly think the culprit to the potato crisis lays in the Survey Corps, do you?" Armin was the first to ask. "This has been going on for a month. They would have begun to show up eventually-the potatoes, that is."

"Unless someone is selling them off or eating them." Eren piped up.

"Except I doubt our suspect is eating them," Armin tried to reason. "At least not all of them. Perhaps the thief could be pawning them off, or simply hiding them."

Levi sighed, preferring to not explain his theories and assumptions. If Hanji didn't consider what he had to say smart, then surely Armin and Eren wouldn't find it smart either, especially Eren. "I don't think anyone would be pawning them," he finally spoke up. "I believe someone is eating them, and hiding the stash for later." He paused, a grimace forming over his face. "It's already beginning to show."

Eren narrowed his eyes, looking disgusted as he looked back to scan other tables.

"The thief is not anywhere nearby, dumbass." Levi dully directed to Eren, already beginning to stand up.

"Then who is it?"

"I'll tell you later. Not now."

"Is it, uh, Erd?"

"No."

"Reiner?"

"I already told you it's nobody here." Levi flatly muttered, wanting to facepalm at the newbie's stupidity.

"Erwin?"

"Why would it be Erwin?" Armin asked.

"It's_ not _Erwin." Levi corrected after a small moment of silence, turning abruptly and walking the direction that he had come. He almost expected the kid to start following, but he heard faint arguing behind him about how it could be Erwin. The Captain immediately felt relieved.

Levi left the area and made his way back into the building. He would take Sasha's advice carefully, but since there were many boxes in the warehouse, it would take eons to search through them all. Even then, there was no guarantee that they were stashed there and he'd rather not waste his time either. His next move was then risky and rather ill-advised but if he wanted answers, he needed to go to the absolute source of it all.

Levi walked down the wooden hallway. It was about lunch time, and there was only one location that he'd find his next victim. Turning down another hallway, the short soldier went a little ways before halting right in front of the door that would lead to a small office. Without even knocking, he pushed forth and opened the door wide. Right inside was Erwin sitting neatly in a chair drinking what appeared to be a cup of tea. Levi looked directly at him.

"Erwin. I want to have a word."


End file.
